Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Feeling Like You Don't Fit In Anywhere

In the past month or so, I have had a tear-filled discussion with Papa Bear about not feeling like I fit in anywhere. I don't have any close girlfriends that I get together with for coffee (or whatever). As I thought about it, I really haven't felt like I have fit in anywhere EVER. It's kind of crazy to think about.

As a military brat, we moved every couple of years, so it was hard being the "new kid" at so many different schools (six to be exact). Along with being in different schools, with each move, we also went to several different churches. Then, at one point, I think I actually felt like I fit in at a church when I was a teen...that is, until I had gone away for a couple of years, and came back as an unwed mom, with a brand new baby. Since then, it always was hard going to a new church as a single mom. Then, once I finally got married, I went to my husband's church, where he had been attending for around 10 or 11 years. TOTALLY did not fit in there! We ended up finding a new church that was closer to where we lived. Still...didn't feel like I fit in. I felt like it was more "classy" than I was used to...in an upscale neighborhood. And I'm just a girl from the country. Now, even at our current church, I am wondering about where I fit.

My husband made a point that I didn't think of. There are probably LOTS of people in each of those places who did not and do not feel like they "fit in". There are lots of people who struggle with not being invited to this or that, or not being called, or not getting a card sent to them. There are probably lots of moms, especially moms of little ones, who feel isolated and alone. Husbands are gone all day, and we have little ones who nap for 2 or 3 hours, so we're kind of stuck at home, unless we want a whining little one on our hands if we go out.

It gets easier and easier to stay at home...to be a homebody. Here are some things I have thought over the past 7 years: It's comfortable. I have things I can do at home. I'm a homeschooling mom (we homeschooled our oldest for a few years, several years ago). We don't have the money to "go out" with girlfriends or couple friends. I love spending time with my family, and I'd rather just stay at home with them. No one calls me, or writes me to invite to anything. I am this BIG white girl, who is not super fashion conscious, and not college educated, and not hip, and I have a teen and a preschooler and a toddler, so where in the WORLD do I fit in??????

I think these are thoughts that Satan perpetuates in my head. He is an instigator, an accuser, a liar, and will do anything he can to get us to believe that we are not precious in the sight of Christ, that we are not important. He will do whatever it takes to divide the family of God, to get us to allow bitterness to grow in our hearts towards others, especially fellow Christians. He will sow seeds of doubt, mistrust, anger, envy, and more.

What are things we can do to combat this type of thinking? Papa Bear helped me think about things that I myself could do. I can invite someone over during the time when my boys are in school, and my girlie is napping. I can make a point to go up to people at church and talk to them instead of wondering why they aren't talking to me. I can stay off of Facebook (where I can see status updates that may make me feel even more alone and isolated), and instead, I can send a card, or a letter of encouragement, just to let someone know that I'm thinking of them and praying for them. I can actually pray for people, instead of just saying I will. I can really make an effort to join in on the things where I AM invited, instead of being lazy and making an excuse for why I can't go. I can remember that Christ commanded us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. For some reason, this is SO tough to do! We want so badly for others to love us, to approve of us, to want to be BFFs with US, but when the tables are turned, it's not so easy for US to be the ones to reach out and love OTHERS.

And this is true with me. I know that I am a sinner, and there are SO many reasons why people might not want to be my friend. I am critical and judgmental. I whine and complain. I am lazy and selfish. I sin. But I am also covered by the blood of Christ, and I can not wallow in those sins and allow them to be excuses or reasons why I can't love others. Christ shed his own blood for me, so I am precious to Him, and to the Father. I have good news! I need to show the love of Christ to others, because of what He has done for me.

Lord, please help me to be the one to reach out to others, instead of waiting for or expecting others to reach out to me. Forgive me for my selfish whining. Forgive me for being envious of the relationships of others. Forgive me for not loving others the way that YOU love me. Please help me to be the friend to others that I want others to be to me. Thank you for your mercy and grace in my life. Thank you for being a friend to me, when I don't deserve it.

Mama Bear


  1. Exactly what I needed to hear!!!! Or read. I used to have alot of friends but ever since I lost my grandma and my dad left us, it's been really hard for me to reach out myself to others for fear of losing them, and that same fear pushed the friends I did have away..I'd like to be that kind of friend again that I'd like to have and GIVE love instead of hoping to receive it. Thanks for your message :)

    1. Steph, I praise God that you were able to get something out of this message. I pray that you will be able to give love like you want to, and that you will feel the love of Christ overwhelm your heart! Thank you for your comment.

      God bless you!

      Angie (aka Mama Bear)