I remember when Papa Bear and I were first married. I was cooking something and he said "Hmmm, my mom does it differently." In other words "That's not how my mom does it." WHAT? Of course it's not, because I AM NOT YOUR MOM! I think I actually might have told him that.
Husband's, if you want to offend your wives, tell them "That's not how my mom does it.". If you DON'T want to offend them, don't EVER say that. I mean EVER!!! Know that your wife is someone beautiful and creative and is definitely not your mom. She will introduce you to new foods that you would have never tried in your mom's home. There will be things that she does that won't make sense to you, because you've never seen it done like that before. But bear with her. Be patient, and don't open your mouth, unless you are going to offer your assistance...with ANYTHING.
On the other side of this, I have had to learn to be willing to learn new things too. For instance, my mother-in-law has taught me the correct way to make Spanish rice, and how to steam tamales. Wives, it's ok to learn something new. It's ok that you don't do things the way his mom does, but be willing to learn from her. She is likely chock full of wisdom, and if she loves the Lord, like my mother-in-law does, she will also be full of grace. She's not going to try and force her ways on you. She won't hold unrealistic expectations for you, in taking care of her "baby".
Wives, be willing to be taught. Be willing to let go of control. I never thought of myself as a control freak, until my husband (or son) would put things away...but NOT the way I did. Laundry wouldn't get folded the way I fold it. Dishes wouldn't get washed the way I washed them. But, get this...my husband and son were helping me with household chores, and they still do! So, I have learned (well, mostly learned) to keep my mouth shut and be grateful for a husband who helps around the house, and has taught our children to do the same thing.
Note added 01-19-12: Let me just add this; Papa Bear is the most patient and kind husband. He does not say things like this in our marriage. I think that was a one time thing, and he saw how hurt I had been, so he's very careful with how he phrases things. This isn't to say that he has to walk on eggshells around me. Not at all. He is just very gracious and kind in his speech, not trying to hurt or offend anyone in what he does or says.
Note added 01-19-12: Let me just add this; Papa Bear is the most patient and kind husband. He does not say things like this in our marriage. I think that was a one time thing, and he saw how hurt I had been, so he's very careful with how he phrases things. This isn't to say that he has to walk on eggshells around me. Not at all. He is just very gracious and kind in his speech, not trying to hurt or offend anyone in what he does or says.
Wives, I am leaving you with one more thing:
The Woman Who Fears the LORD
10 An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
15 She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She dresses herself with strength
and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.
She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
15 She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She dresses herself with strength
and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.
I hope that you will strive to be like the Proverbs 31 woman, in every way that you can. Show grace and mercy when your husband doesn't do things the way you would. Show it when your children do something differently than how you would like. It's ok. There are MUCH more important things in life!
Mama Bear
Well said, Mama Bear. I do a lot of things differently from my MIL that my hubby used to always comment on. But after 6 years of marriage he has learned that there can be different ways of doing things and they also work! I have an excellent MIL who is always there to teach and lend a helping hand when asked. I cannot be more thankful.
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